Finding the Silver Linings

“Do some good things possibly come out of it? That’s not the point! Some good things come out of a car wreck, but that doesn’t mean we need to have car wrecks. That’s a dumb-butt idea. You can find good out of almost anything. You get enough manure you can grow things with it. There’s good in almost everything. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t stink to high heaven.” -Dave Ramsey (speaking about things that have absolutely nothing to do with fluoroquinolone toxicity, I just liked the little rant.)

This post is about the lipstick on the pig that is fluoroquinolone toxicity. There are several shades of lipstick that I’m going to point out in this post, and some of the shades are lovely, but they’re still on the big, fat, stinking, disgusting pig of fluoroquinolone toxicity.

No matter what good has come to my life, or the life of anyone else, from fluoroquinolone toxicity, it was still an awful and painful thing to experience. Sometimes pain and suffering lead to growth, and sometimes that growth is valuable or even beautiful, but that doesn’t make the pain or suffering “worth it” or justified in any way. You don’t torture people to make them stronger. You don’t poison people so that they can shift their perspective on the world. You don’t damage every tendon in a person’s body so that they can feel better about saving their children from their fate.

I know that fluoroquinolone toxicity is awful, and that most people would say that ZERO good has come from it for them. Fluoroquinolones have ruined people’s lives. They have killed people. They have disabled people, stolen careers, destroyed relationships, and smashed dreams.

This post is not to justify the pain that fluoroquinolones brought to me or anyone else. The harm that these drugs have done isn’t justifiable.

But life is complicated, and figuring out how to wrap your head around something like fluoroquinolone toxicity isn’t black/white. Perhaps finding the good in difficult situations is helpful (or even necessary) to move on from fluoroquinolone toxicity. Maybe it’s even healing.

A lot of good has come to my life since getting “floxed,” and some of those good things are a direct result of getting floxed. In no particular order, here are some of my silver linings of fluorouqinolone toxicity:

  1. I have this web site. Floxiehope has been a blessing for me in more ways than I can count. It has given me community, purpose, passion, drive, a powerful tool through which to communicate with others, and so much more. I am grateful for all the good that this site has brought to my life.
  2. I now have empathy for people who are suffering from multi-symptom chronic illness. I was never callous toward people with poorly understood illnesses, but I never made any effort to understand them before I got floxed. I now have appreciation for how difficult ME/CFS, Lyme disease, multiple chemical sensitivities, POTS, autoimmune diseases, iatrogenic illnesses of all types, etc. are for people. I now understand that these diseases are incredibly complex and poorly understood, and that people who suffer from them are often victimized over and over again by both the medical system and society at-large.
  3. I have a community of floxed people throughout the world that I love. I have connected with people all over the world who have suffered from the adverse effects of these drugs. These connections have added to my life in wonderful ways.
  4. I now see the harm that pharmaceuticals can do, and I will never blindly trust the pharmaceutical industry, or doctors, again. I think that this skepticism will protect me.
  5. I learned patience and kindness toward myself. I was really hard on myself while I was sick. It didn’t help. Eventually learning patience and kindness for my body, soul, and all other aspects of my self was helpful, and it made me a better person.

Fluoroquinolone toxicity has been such a big part of my life for so long that it has touched every aspect of my life, and all the good and bad that has happened since 2011 has something to do with my journey through fluoroquinolone toxicity. It shaped me. It shaped me into the woman who my husband fell in-love with and married. It shaped me into the woman who took the job that I now have. It shaped me into the friend I am today, and even the daughter I am today. I cannot separate any aspect of my life from the effects of fluoroquinolones because they changed the course of my life.

This post was inspired by a post in The Fluoroquinolone Toxicity Group on Facebook. In it, Gene asked, “Often we hear of people going through a trial in life and then they say, “X was the best thing that ever happened to me”. Can anyone share a ‘best thing’ story about their fluoroquinolone story?”

Several people responded with really thoughtful and insightful answers. With their permission, I am sharing some of the things they wrote:

Alanna: “I was always a health nut, but I became much more informed & disciplined about my general health & healing protocols that work with the body, not against it. I like to help people, including passing on what I’ve learned. My faith deepened, I had miracle answers to prayer. My husband stepped up & did hero’s work, bringing us closer. With limited energy, I trimmed the extraneous out of my life to focus on that which has value, It straightens out your priorities, doesn’t it.”

Charles: “I changed my whole perspective on life, brought me back into my faith, and generally has helped me become a much better person emotionally and spiritually”

Amanda: “Got the opportunity to dive deep with my spirituality. I’ve learned what is and what is not worth my time and energy. I’m much more compassionate and am learning how to be more assertive, as I have to voice my needs for quality of life.”

Annette: “I learned how to be my own doctor. I learned not to trust or rely on anyone but myself (that may sound like a negative, but it has actually served me well post FQ).”

Nora: “Confirmed my belief that Western medicine is about masking symptoms and a business and that sauna, fasting, exercising, and eating well make a difference in one’s health.”

Gene: “I think the best thing I can say about it is I’ve learned that I seem to have an endless will to fight and to not accept that small chalky things i put in my mouth will win. When the first symptoms hit in 2010 I said ” I do not accept this”. I’ve been fighting ever since to figure out ways to get my health back. So I am incredibly strong in that way, even if my body doesn’t always feel strong. The other thing I have gained in this is a stronger faith in the fact that there is much more to this than 80 years and than the end. We enter another world and this one will be but the blink of an eye. So maybe it is teaching me patience as well. The hardest lesson i am beginning to learn and I try to do is forgive the doctor. He did not intentionally hurt me. He is also the victim in a dysfunctional medical system. There are some powerful people in the fluoroquinolone distribution system who I do believe know a lot, and they are not acting as they should. My doctor was not one of them. He will be a victim too when full enlightenment about these drugs becomes the norm and he realizes how many people he hurt. Rather than hate him for what he did I see him more as one might see a pure accident, like an asteroid hitting me and hurting me. S—t happens to people, it’s how this place works. It’s probably good to accept that about this planet and then try all we can to make it better.”

Cathy: ” I have set an example for my kids of what true strength looks like.”

Lisa: “I am alive. Cipro was one of the few antibiotics that does not result in anaphylactic shock for me. It was used to treat a super bug I contracted after cancer surgery. I suppose that is why I am able to reconcile my current situation easier than others might.”

Bill: “Nope. No upside whatsoever. I was fine before and now still trying to get back to baseline. The “best thing that ever happened to me” thing is just an attempt at a cognitive reframe for the traumatic event….helps put it behind you. If it works for ya-great. If something good came as a result of your poisoning—again…great.”

Langdon: “Compassion for myself and appreciation for the people who are nice to me.”

Jennifer: “For sure Levaquin wasn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to me but it was up there with the top 3 worst. The only good thing that came out of it is it forced me to alter my life and change my diet pretty drastically. I now lead a more healthy lifestyle eating 85-95% organic, way way less refined sugars & processed foods. Additionally, I am trying to lessen the toxins coming into my household by buying mostly cleaning and skincare products that are free of toxic chemicals. Of course it’s not 100% but I’ve made great strides. I’m not sure if I would’ve been on this trajectory had it not been for Levaquin. I was always health conscious but now it’s on another level. I feel like it’s life or death or at least life or really poor health. I truly grasp the concept of “if you don’t have your health you have nothing”. It’s so difficult to do anything (or care for anything) when your health is suffering so badly. I am grateful every day that I’m recovering from this nightmare and I wish everyone here the best. Healing hugs.”

Each and every one of those quotes/comments is thoughtful, insightful, and contains gems of wisdom. Thank you to each person who took the time to write these thoughtful comments, and for allowing me to re-publish them here.

Again, I am not trying to make light of the horror of fluoroquinolone toxicity. It’s not a trite, “make lemonade out of lemons” kind of situation. But I do appreciate all that has grown from the manure that ciprofloxacin brought to my life, and I hope for something positive to come of it for each of you too.

*****

 

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3 thoughts on “Finding the Silver Linings

  1. Lukasz June 12, 2019 at 7:15 pm Reply

    Silver Lining: I’m alive. Reality: I suffer 24/7.

  2. Shannon June 16, 2019 at 12:53 pm Reply

    I have pains in my ankles, toes, feet, arms, elbows, wrists, hands, fingers,etc but at least at this point, I can walk.

  3. lisalisa12years July 25, 2019 at 8:21 pm Reply

    I’ve actually been swimming. I still have shredded shoulder tendons but after almost 13 years out. I’ve been to the very bottom where I beleived I would stay. Than slowly taking all the vitamins and minerals blood tests determined I was extremely low on. I’ve been managing my thoughts and energy so much better. I guess for ME being the most physically and mentally healthy as possible when I was FLOXED in 2007, going FIVE years without knowing anything was wrong. As I worked out 6 days weekly and walked 2 miles a day. I only felt a terrible pain in my left shoulder. Beleiving it was from working out. Put heat on it and continued life. Until I saw the black box warning about tendon tears. Sure enough. I had a tiny tear. Long ago and far away. I’m certainly no where near 100% but I swam today, yesterday and the day before. I’ll swim again tomorrow. Did I have severe shoulder pain ? Absolutely but I ALWAYS have shoulder pain. Seeing my arm tightening up and feeling stronger 💪 allowed me to take that pain and use it in a positive way. Thirteen years is a long time to wonder and ask why ? A long time looking for every possible way to heal. To be whole again. I still have ” GUT” issues that I’m working extremely hard on to straighten out. There’s good and bad days. 50/50 lately. My greatest feeling of hope in the longest time for ME. I swam 5 days total in the past 9 days. Rain stopped me twice. I’m swimming tomorrow and each day I will become stronger. Using every muscle in my body, making them become stronger. That in turn will make my mind stronger. We are all different some things help one why not another. Swimming has helped me more than everything combined. I feel wonderful right NOW. NOW I feel wonderful. I hope and pray for you all to feel wonderful for a day, a week a month. Or just RIGHT NOW. It’s amazing how much hurt it took me to FEEL WONDERFUL NOW. Wishing you all whatever it takes to help you heal. This is our lives. We all need to try whatever it takes to help ourselves to FEEL better. One day at a time. 13 years that’s a he’ll of a lot of days. I FEEL WONDERFUL NOW. 11:20 pm July 25, 2019 ✌ and healing to all.

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