I really get bombarded all the time with, “go get stem cells how could you not?” I get so anxiety ridden from it. I know people mean well but it’s so hard on me. It feels like harassment and not love at certain points–like they can’t handle me being sick so I have to heal for them to be okay.
I just want people to know that whatever they do to heal is their own decision.
I’m constantly deciding–how much do I want to be tested on, and what treatments do I want to try?
I’ve been floxed for almost five years and it’s a 5 steps forward and 4 steps backwards dance where I hold onto the one step forward as best I can–because it’s better than the times where it’s 6 steps backwards and I fight just to get back to where I was.
The crazy part is that it all becomes a matter of how much I want to be tested and treated, AND how much I want to pay for it.
There still isn’t enough data to answer one simple question: Will this procedure help me or hurt me?
Because these side effects feel like a bomb went off inside my body that made things crazy, it feels like it’s impossible for any doctor–western or natural–to give me a straight answer of, Will this treatment help or hurt?
People can list out what helps but no one can know for each person. How I look at it is we are all being tested on to get more data and to pay for it.
So, I constantly have to weigh out, do I want to risk what I have for an unknown promise of healing?
That carrot is so tempting and so hard to answer.
For me, I weigh everything on what happens if it goes wrong how much will it mess up my life. How much can I afford this to mess up things?
My husband has medical issues too and he needs to be made to take care of things too.
So, it’s a dance that is never ending.
When people ask me why don’t I try this or that it’s because I don’t like to be poked and prodded and tested like a guinea pig.
I have to feel like the odds are somehow going to be in my favor because I’ve seen various experimental treatments make people so much worse, and I often think that it’s not worth the risk.
It’s easy to talk when it’s not your life and you are not the test bunny.
Why we have to pay for everything is beyond me.
Why we have to constantly be told yes these are side effects and you get to pay to maybe get your health back is beyond me.
So, for anyone out there that is pressuring someone like me to try something, please understand it’s really easy when you are not the one being poked, prodded, and tested–when it’s not your body and your life that may come crashing down if the treatment doesn’t work as-anticipated.
It’s not easy to pick what to do and how much you are willing to spend to go through treatments that haven’t been proven to work for everyone, much less everyone.