Monthly Archives: September 2013

Surviving Fluoroquinolone Toxicity

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One of my first symptoms of Fluoroquinolone Toxicity was that my hands and feet swelled up and were incredibly painful.  My feet hurt more than my hands.  I could type without pain, but walking was agony for a while.  I wore Crocs everywhere for about 9 months because they were the only shoes that didn’t make my feet scream in pain.  Because painful feet were the worst physical symptom that I had, I told myself that if I could ever dance in high-heels again, I would consider myself to be healed.  About 18 months after I got Floxed, I could dance in high-heels again.  After that, I wrote my recovery story and started Floxie Hope.  I considered myself to be 99% of my pre-sickness capacity.

I still had some lingering symptoms though.  My memory and reading comprehension were still diminished.  My heart rate was increased.  I didn’t have much endurance.  My bladder control left a bit to be desired.  I could deal with each of these things though.  They weren’t that big of a deal.  Lots of people who consider themselves healthy deal with feeling worse than I did.  I certainly wasn’t sick any more.

But the fact that my heart rate was increased, and I suspected that my cardiovascular system was adversely affected, scared the crap out of me.  I knew that my autonomic nervous system had been adversely affected, hence the heart rate and bladder issues, and the notion that the FQ damage to my autonomic nervous system may have damaged me fatally was stuck in my head.  I couldn’t seem to shake the notion that the damage that Cipro did was eventually going to lead to my death.  How could it not lead to my death?  Cipro damaged my AUTONOMIC NERVOUS SYSTEM.

However, I suspected that being convinced that Fluoroquinolone related issues were going to kill me was part of the process, part of getting sick and even part of getting better.  I considered the notion of my impending death from FQ toxicity to be a symptom, just one more thing to get over, and that once I no longer thought that I was going to have a heart attack from it, that I would consider myself to be 100% better.

I think I’m there.  I think that I’ve finally disabused myself of the notion that this is going to kill me.  I think that I may actually live just as long as I would have if I had never taken Cipro.  It’s possible.  Of course, it’s also possible that I will indeed have a heart attack in my 40s that is a direct result of the damage that Cipro did to my cardiovascular system.  But I’m leaning significantly more toward the possibility that I will live a long and full life.  As they always say, you (I) could get hit by a bus tomorrow.  None of us ever has any idea what the future may hold.  But it’s really nice to have finally let go of the notion that this is going to kill me.  It was my last remaining symptom.  Now I can say that I’m 100% recovered.  The last 664 days (12/2/11 through 9/26/13) were rough, but I think that I made it to 100%.  Cheers to that.

 

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Moving forward after Cipro knocked me down

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When I realized that Cipro was the cause of my body going completely hay-wire (I didn’t know immediately because my reaction was delayed), and I saw stories on the internet of people getting worse and worse indefinitely, and/or living with pain and disability caused by fluoroquinolones, I thought that I had accidentally killed myself. I thought of writing letters to my family and friends to say goodbye, to let them know that I was gone and that I was so, so, so sorry that I had taken those pills.

In some ways, even though I survived, obviously, I think that I should have written those letters (even though they would have scared the crap out of my loved ones and probably gotten me locked in a psych ward). Because I am different now. The old Lisa is gone. I certainly didn’t die in the physical sense, but who I was changed in an instant, with those 6 pills.

……..

Apparently search engines don’t like it when there is duplicate content on the internet.  In order to appease Google, I will refer you to the other site, www.collective-evolution.com, where the story was published in full – http://www.collective-evolution.com/2013/09/14/a-journey-through-pharmaceutical-induced-illness/

 

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Fluoroquinolone Antibiotics and Nerve Damage/Malfunction

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This post about how fluoroquinolones are associated with Central, Peripheral and Autonomic Nervous System Damage was published on Hormones Matter on 09/09/2013.  

http://www.hormonesmatter.com/fluoroquinolone-antibiotics-associated-with-nervous-system-damage/

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Survivor’s Guilt after Fluoroquinolone Toxicity

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Guilt is such a useless emotion.  It induces stress and anxiety for no good reason.  Guilt feels horrible.  It feels like a kick to the gut; a twist in the heart and the soul.

A particularly useless form of guilt is survivor’s guilt.  On top of being useless and destructive, it’s narcissistic.  I feel better but you still feel lousy and that makes me feel bad – as if I have any control over how you feel.  Yuck.  Seriously, it’s disgustingly narcissistic.  It is ridiculous and I know it.

Yet I feel it.  I have been having horrible survivor’s guilt lately.  My stomach has been in knots over the fact that people are suffering.  It hurts me to hear stories of pain and hardship, and it especially hurts me to hear stories of injustice.  Everyone who has been hurt by the pharmaceutical industry, who is suffering because of a stupid drug, is suffering not only physically, but also from a grave injustice.

I want to stop this injustice from occurring.  I see the injustice.  Not everyone sees it.  It’s not real to most people.  But I see it.  It is very real me and to all the other people who have lived through it or who are affected by it.  I see it, but I can’t seem to stop it, and this makes me feel horrible.  I feel guilty.  I feel guilty about not doing more to change the system.  I feel guilty about not warning the people who got hurt after me.  I feel horrible about not doing more.

It’s funny that this feeling has come up as I’ve started to do something about the travesty that is Floxing (I’m thinking that this blog is “something” – you can disagree).  While I was doing nothing, just focusing on healing myself, not focusing on changing the world, I didn’t feel guilty about anyone else’s suffering.  Now that I’ve started reaching out to people, now that I see that my words can have power, I feel horrible about the fact that I’m not doing enough, that my words don’t have as much power as I’d like them to, that I didn’t use the power of my words earlier.

I’m sorry.  I really am.  I’m sorry for your pain and I’m sorry for not preventing it.  I’m really sorry for being narcissistic and whiny about it too.  And I’m trying.  Truly.  I’m doing what I think I can.  These systems that we’re fighting are really big and powerful.  But I’m still trying.  I’m doing my best.

I am way too sensitive to be an activist.  I’m way too sensitive to be a fighter.  But I don’t really see what choice I have.  People are being hurt.  I have to do something to stop it.  I have to try.  The world needs people who try.  Who am I not to try?

So, I’ll deal with the higher blood pressure and the stupid, stupid guilt.  I’ll even deal with knowing that I’m a narcissist.  Because this fight is worth fighting.  Hopefully I’ll learn how to make it less painful at some point.

 

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