The Hardest Topic – Suicide

Nov 3, 2015 | Blog | 18

People who are in pain, and depressed, and desperate for help, and who have had everything that they cherish taken away from them–their health, their mental health, their job, their family, their money, their stability, and more–often reach out to me. I am happy to do what I can to help. I tend to be at a loss for words when people are suicidal though. I don’t know the right thing to say or do when people are considering ending their life. I can tell them that I’m so sorry for all the pain and anguish, and I am–I truly feel sorrow. I can tell them that it will change and it will pass–but those things sound trite when a person is in constant pain and they’re wondering if the pain will ever end, or when a person is feeling like their life is already over, or when a loved one leaves them because they don’t understand.

I tell people to reach out to suicide prevention counseling services. I think they should. If you are suicidal as you read this, please, please reach out to a suicide prevention counseling service. Here are a couple:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

1-800-273-8255

IM Alive

http://hopeline.com/

1.800.SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

The people who answer those phone lines are trained, and they know what to say to help you to get through to tomorrow. Please reach out to them if you need to.

I’m not particularly good at helping people who are suicidal because I was never “there.” There were moments in my fluoroquinolone toxicity journey when I thought that life as I knew it was over, but I never considered ending my life.

There are other floxies who have gone through such pain and anguish (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) that they did consider ending their life. There are floxies who have gotten through periods of being suicidal who can tell you from first-hand experience that it passes and gets better. There are even people who were severely floxed, and suicidal, who have recovered. They truly understand how horrible it can be, and they also know that it gets better.

I think that it would be helpful to floxies who are currently scared and suicidal to talk to people who have been through what they’re going through. If you’re a person who has gone through the worst of fluoroquinolone toxicity, who is willing and able to talk to other floxies who are in this horrible position, please let me know through the Contact link above, and I will put you in touch with people who can use your empathy and guidance when they reach out through this site.

If we can work together to help people who are suicidal because of the effects of fluoroquinolones, maybe we can help to save some lives.

Please, friends, use the resources that are available if you are feeling suicidal. The hotlines mentioned above are open 24/7.

And please know that there are people who understand, who have been “there,” who have made it through to a better place, and who are thankful that they lived to see the better place. Hang in there, keep going, it gets better, one step at a time, you can do this.

A few floxies have lost their lives recently, and my heart truly aches for their loved ones. To everyone who is grieving for the loss of a loved one, I am truly sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts. My deep-felt condolences to you and your loved ones.

18 Comments

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jwinn

9 years ago

Thank you. I have been there….When I have bad episodes, I still sometimes go to that place. No one truly understands the pain involved unless they have experienced it.

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kris t

9 years ago

Lisa, that is so weird that this was on my computer today as in the past couple of days, I, too have been having suicidal thoughts. The double vision and back pain are starting to take their toll. Plus I got off your website because it was making me more depressed hearing others being depressed. I will call those numbers before ending it all. I promise. Kris T

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Lynda Smith

9 years ago

I am 73 years old and still suffering from the painfully debilitating and disabling effects of the ciprofloxacin that was prescribed to me negligently and in error seven and a half months ago. The results of the culture confirmed that I never had an infection in the first place, nor was I ill.Up until that time I was active and dancing at an advanced level every day which I had enjoyed for over twenty-five years. Ear ringing, eye burning, muscle-ligament-tendon-joint pain, tendonitis, peripheral neuropathy, muscle twitching and burning, popping-cracking joints, severe back and hip pain, and in short, widespread body pain is what I have been experiencing each day of my life. Needless to say, anxiety, depression, and insomnia are commonplace as is extreme fatigue. Some days are far worse than others, and ongoing visits to the doctor have been fruitless and of no avail. I am completely alone as my husband died on our 47th anniversary; it is exceedingly difficult not having any family to turn to for emotional support. Nonetheless, in my darkest moments, I am finding things to be grateful for: the onset of cool weather, wonderful and supportive friends, four loving cats, a nice home, healthy food and, this is important, no other illnesses to be coping with, such as cancer, heart disease, or diabetes. I am grateful for this website, ‘Floxie Hope’ as well and Lisa Bloomquist’s very informative postings and words of support. It is interesting to note that just last evening at Walmart, a female employee, saw I was limping and in pain, and compassionately offered to help me. But get this: later on at Whole Foods, a male employee who had worked there for years commented on how happy I always seem! So there you are – no matter what, we can always develop the habit of happiness! I can’t say that I was ever suicidal, but I can certainly understand how someone can feel that way. The hardest thing for me to understand is how after a few better days, the symptoms can come roaring back with a vengeance. And why is it that I supposedly am not back at square one considering the severity and intensity of symptoms. Lisa, I wanted to know how you like your new position; it was a very courageous move for you to make in light of the fact that you were happy at your then current job and even more so, that fluoroquinolone toxicity had the power to zap you of your self-confidence. Your posting of an official name by the FDA for this constellation of symptoms, ‘Fluoroquinolone Associated Disability’ was most significant as was the revelation that fluoroquinolones are no more effective than placebos at treating sinusitis, bronchitis, and bladder infections. My mission in life is forewarning others of the dangers of fluoroquinolones; I hold out my necklace pendant for them to read, NO FLUOROQUINOLONES. I hope that someday I will be able to join the ranks of others who have been floxed and who are now much better and functioning optimally in the world.

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Dawn LeBrun

9 years ago

I am a Floxie, I have never been on these sites as my Doctor labeled it Fibro, I have received much support from those groups in the last three years, but it’s not the same, their pain is very real just as mine is. I too have had suicidal thoughts, more like… I KNOW WHY PEOPLE DO IT!!! I can fully understand it. I will not do it because it’s against my religious beliefs. But I still, when I am hurting and crying, wish I was dead or I would die. I didn’t know about this page, maybe now I will be able to understand my poisoning better. Because I believe I was poisoned and I didn’t even have a sinus infection, I am a 50 year old woman and had Fifths disease which I had never heard of. But the second Dr I went to called me a medical mystery because of the many things that were going on from the leviquin which he never would admit or conclude on record. They put me through hell, biopsys, prednisone, (which was a joke) allergies, hives, and so many other things. I finally found a naturopath that has helped me the most and showed me what floroquinolin poisoning was. Told me to take magnesium and exercise if I could. She basicly has limited knowledge on this as when it happened to me it was very new to the diagnosis field. No MD will admit it to me. Or treat it. They still treat it as Fibro which they are barely recognizing either. Thank You for doing something. I am trapped in this tomb of a body, and I have a few good days. Some days I feel worse yet. Diet changes I believe help but my memory comes and goes and I can’t do it alone. All of my “friends” have disappeared because they don’t understand. I can’t say I blame them because they wouldn’t understand unless they have it and I don’t want anyone to have to exist like this EVER!!! You are all in my prayers. Alive and surviving barely.

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9 years ago

I don’t know if this hell get any better, Lisa. Sure it does for some.

I think in my case death is the only option.

I took an obscene amount of FQ for a non-existent issue and weeks later I was prescribed topical steroids. This was less than a year ago. Now i’m broken, alone and can’t come in terms of what has happened to me. I have tried suicide twice, unfortunately I wasn’t successful.

All I can see is dark and painful future that i should never have.
My mind can’t deal with this anymore.

The groups on the are filled with folks that never recover or only get worse.
I fear that this is going to be my end.

If this crap don’t end my life, I will.

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Lynda Smith

9 years ago

Dear C. Please don’t do this; having you here is so very important to all of us Floxies. We all desperately need one another. In your darkest moments, please remember you are deeply loved. Try to think in terms of hanging on just a little bit longer. I have been in the depths of depression, but when someone sees me in pain and limping and holds the door open for me, for that moment I know I am supported. I have felt a renewed closeness with others as they tell me what happened to them. Paula, a friend – ruptured tendon; Linda, who I just met today – hospitalized with anaphylactic shock after just two pills. You see, we must stick together – we’re all we have. Please post often because I care about you. Having a precious and needy animal to love can be very healing – they love unconditionally. Remember our bodies want us to be healthy and every moment are doing everything possible to heal us. I too am alone; in many ways our challenges can be greater; I think of the little train going up the hill chugging and chugging saying, “I think I can, I think I can.” Lynda

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Andy

8 years ago

I thought I had dodged the suicide bullet as I havent really had much anxiety or depression,I am three months out and in severe muscle and tendon pain all over my body head to toe.I fail to see how people actually recover from this by taking vitamins and changing their diet ,I am trying hard but the pain 24/7 is wilting me,every day another muscle ,joint and tendon gives way.Walking is complete agony,even sitting down hurts
I am about to lose my job and my marriage is really suffering.Every morning I now wake up and just dont want live anymore

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Michael Alan

7 years ago

Been getting harder and harder. Seems like no end in sight. This past week was actually pretty good. Now I have caught step and it is killing me. All my symptoms are at least 10x worse. I am terrified of taking drugs so going to see if it will run it’s course.

Ken ward

7 years ago

What your saying is a joke I have been severely permenently..damaged, brain damage, tendon damage, pain all over body, severe skin rashes severe anxiety and agitation I shake I’m never happy all I do is stay in my house EVERYTHING HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM ME BECAUSE OF THIS DRUG, it’s been over 5 years now losing massive muscle tissue losing teeth, severe memory, vision, ear, problems, can’t even listen to music without severe nerve pain deep in ears, I’m quite sure I’m dying a slow death, can’t get any drs to believe me!#!! There’s no doubt in my mind I will be gone before long, I feel death around me, I feel my body dying, and I’ve only mentioned half the syptoms, now have numb penis no more sex, life is OVER I for one don’t believe in suicide, BUT I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR THIS DRUG TO KILL ME SO THIS ENDS!